One Year Later

Time has its patterns

Undoing and rethreading.

Learning and living.

Reshaping and remaking.

Letting go and moving forward.

The steps to our very own masterpiece.

-Jennifer-

I just celebrated my 35th birthday one week ago and what a difference one year makes.  Although I was fighting through an upper respiratory infection and extreme exhaustion for two weeks leading up to my birthday, it was still the best celebration I have ever had.  Now there was no big party per say, just separate gatherings with family and friends. Besides the gatherings, there were celebrations and surprises along the way. The first of which being the day before my actual birthday.  A rather large gift came to me early.

I signed up to observe a Tibetan yoga class.  Instead of observing the class, I was blessed with the opportunity to have an hour and a half long conversation with the instructor Lea.  She shared not only her own practice, but the story within her practice and how she was led to do what it is she is doing today. Teaching and leading a life focused on love, service and compassion.  The very life I've been consciously practicing for the last year and a half.  The similarities of her story and mine touched the deepest part of my soul. It was as if the Universe was speaking to me through her and letting me know I was heading in the right direction in life.  As supportive as my family and friends are of my spiritual practice, none of them are practicing to the degree of my own commitment. I get smiles and comments like, "Oh that's great!" and then a quick change of subject within the conversation.  And I understand it and accept it for what it is. But I've been longing to have people to share my own story and experiences with, that understand my goals and intentions.  People who I can share and learn more about the philosophies that have led me to where I am today.  People who truly get what it is that I'm doing.  

We talked about the philosophies behind the Tibetan practice.  One by one Lea listed what the practice focuses on and entails and it lined up with the spiritual journey I've been setting out on for over a year now.  I became rather overwhelmed as she continued to unravel the focus of this particular practice.  It resonated so deeply with my daily life's practice I was almost speechless.  My heart was so full by the end of the conversation I was brought to tears.  I thanked her for all that she had taught me but quickly left the studio because I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  I cried all the way home and for awhile once I reached home. It was the first time I was able to share space with someone who I felt really understood what I'm trying to do with my life.  The constant gratitude and the constant need to stand in my truth and be who it is that I am intending to be.  To live to be in service of myself and my own gifts and to bring those gifts to be of service to others. Again, what a difference one year can make.

Last October I was just edging into my spiritual practice.  It was the following month that a meditation from Deepak Chopra broke my heart open and changed me forever.  The quest through this meditation was to see God in everyone for one day.  I've talked in other articles about this experience. As a nurse, this was the perfect assignment.  And that night's shift I was presented with that perfect assignment.  It was my last night on the oncology unit and I was given an impossible assignment.  I had six patients, no assistant on the floor to help, all of my patients had uncontrolled pain, nausea and vomiting.  It was complete chaos.  Yet, through all of it, I felt I was the calm in this perfect storm. All of the chaos, however, wasn't my real assignment. I had a patient that was a little elderly man and I was told by the nurse I was taking over for, that he was a grumpy little old man at that.  He had been yelling at the staff incessantly all day.  I knew at that moment that HE, was my assignment for the night. I dedicated the large majority of my time to him that entire shift.  And by the end of the shift I knew that all he really wanted was to know that he wasn't just another patient. He wanted to know that he meant something.  That he was seen and heard and that he was treated like a person, not just a room number.  

By the end of my shift he looked at me, pointed at me shaking his finger and said, "Whether I live or whether I die, I will always remember you.  I will never forget you.  You are one of the good ones." Our eyes locked and nothing could take me away from that moment.  My heart was so full.  I said in return, "I will never forget you either."  This experience forever changed me.  For the next few days I couldn't stop thinking about the moment when our eyes locked.  I realized I saw God in him.  And that wasn't just a human to human conversation. That was a spirit to spirit conversation. One year later, that experience is just as prevalent in my life as it was the very day it happened.

I can't quite explain fully how incredibly different I feel today compared to just one year ago.  But what I can explain is that I've chiseled away at my heart blocks. The weight of the world I no longer carry on my shoulders.  I take one day at a time, one lesson at a time, one moment at a time, and I continue to be wide awake enough to see it all as it is happening.  A few years ago, I had completely lost myself.  I forgot how to love, how to have fun and how to live life.  I had to rewire my head to my heart.  I had to reconnect to a power greater than myself.  And I had to learn to believe again that life was to be lived in a manner of greatness. Not a second is to be wasted on worry, judgement, or doubt.

Yoga came into my life for a reason.  First, it was a physical practice that brought mental relaxation.  Then something happened and it became a directional way of life.  Now that I am fully studying yogic texts, I am finding within them, messages that I have previously received in meditations.  Nudges of guidance I've been receiving all along the way.  My faith has grown so much stronger than anyone else's doubt.  That subtle voice inside has been with me always.  I've released the shadows that deafened me to that voice.  I've shed light on my own pathway to this incredible life that is set out before me and within me.  And I am so grateful for it all.

Where are you one year later in your own life?  Share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As always with love,

Jennifer

Email me at jfremionfw@gmail.com

©2013 Jennifer Fremion. All rights reserved.